Why Is Adoption So Often Seen as “The Last Option”?

One of the questions that irritates me the most when people find out that I have adopted is “Oh – couldn’t you have children of your own?”  This statement is supremely frustrating to me for two reasons.  One – these ARE my “real” children.  Two – why do people automatically assume that because you adopted, it was because you couldn’t get pregnant?  Why do so many people assume that adoption is the last option that someone pursues when all else has failed?

I am in no way assuming that adoption is for everyone.  Although personally I do not understand the importance of having biological ties to your family – I know some people do.  What’s more surprising to me is that this view seems to flow over into the adoption community at times as well.

I hear often of families exhausting all of their fertility treatments, and finally making the decision to adopt. I have also heard many times how difficult of a decision it is and how much mourning was involved in accepting infertility.  I suppose I could also understand this to an extent.  But recently I read an article of a woman who continue to mourn her infertility after building her family by adoption. She talks of not being able to attend baby showers, and how she doesn’t think she needs to “find closure”.   I don’t mean to be insensitive – but what message are we sending to our adopted children when we are placing biology in front of our relationship to them?  When we can’t rejoice in another’s growing family, while we are families of our own?

Family is family.  It doesn’t matter how this family is formed – the bond is dependent on the relationships you build with those you love… not blood…not shared DNA.

My kids are my kids.  That’s it to me. End of story.

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