Archive for February, 2012

Yep, I admit it.  I am a Glee-addict.  It’s enjoyable, sweet, and a lot of times tackles pretty tough subjects.  It’s one of my guilty pleasures that I allow myself.  I wasn’t prepared for this week’s episode, though.  In fact, I’m still watching it as I type this, to try and relieve some of the pressure I’m feeling by watching.

One of the minor characters was being teased about being gay; so he attempted suicide by hanging himself.  His Dad found him in time, though.

The episode has shown some of the emotions, guilt, ect. felt by those who know him.   Will talked about how EVERYONE has something that feels like the end of the world to them at some point.  He asked everyone to talk about something they were looking forward to, and each person went around saying something they looked forward to in the future.

It’s really hard for me to watch, and bringing up so many emotions that I keep thinking I have started to overcome.  The “why’s?”  The “what-ifs”; the guilt and the pain.

Earlier in the evening, I had also run across a story of one of the actor’s from Seinfield had attempted suicide by gunshot.  He survived. That brought up another feeling I sometimes have.  An almost jealous feeling -“Why couldn’t *my fiance* have survived like so-and so”?

So many emotions.  This post is all over the place; without much of a focus – but it’s just one of those moments where all of my emotions are spilling over and too much to hold in.



Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day.  I had someone ask me last night if it was “messing me up”; if it would be a hard day for me.  Honestly, Valentine’s Day was never a very huge deal between my fiance and I.    I typicaly haven’t put a huge importance on Valentines Day, as I think that every day should be an opportunity to show your loved ones that they are important.  But, with saying that – I’ve never completely ignored or disavowed Valentine’s Day just because of the commercialization of the day.  So, I have participated, even if it was not a big of deal as it is to some.

Last year; Valentine’s Day was a horrible day.  My fiance was not in a good place.  I got him a little something; and it sent him into a pretty intense tirade.  He hadn’t gotten me anything; and although I didn’t say anything to him about it; he was mad that I had done something for him.  We got into a huge argument about it.  Strangely; in both of my serious relationships (with my fiance and with my ex-husband) Holiday’s always seemed to be the days that they struggled with the most, and I don’t have a lot of great memories of ANY holiday.

 I wonder – how is everyone else dealing with it?  Is this a good day for you; or not so much?  What about Holidays in general?  I’m just curious if other’s share the same experiences on Holidays?