Archive for June, 2012


Moments with You

Moments with You

Each moment with you is cherished

Comforting, warm, and safe.

Laughter flows,

 And peace abounds.

Stolen Moments

Stolen Moments

Precious stolen moments

Never forgotten

Kept locked in my heart

So, I’ve been feeling pretty down and out lately.  I think a lot of it is that my body is just so exhausted from years of being in stressful and traumatic situations.  Now; things are settling down and my body is just turning to mush.  My anxiety had gotten to a point where I increased my meds to be able to get through J’s anniversary.  But now, I feel depressed.  No energy, no desire to to anything.  I still go to work, but my productivity is pretty shameful.  I still cook, and clean – enough to keep the house from being a total pig sty for more than a day… But that’s all I have folks.  I literally have nothing else right now.  I know that it is affecting my relationships with people I care about, my coworkers.. it just sucks.  So; thinking about going back down to my old dosage on my meds – and hoping that the anxiety doesn’t peak.  But, I just can’t handle this zombified/depressed feeling (I had increased them once before and I remember not truly liking the effects, but I couldn’t remember what it was).

However… I have to believe that I will get through this.  I mean, for fuck’s sake – I’ve survived horrible domestic violence and the suicide of my partner.  I’ve been through many, many struggles with my daughter, who also seems to be quite stable now.  Life is calm and as peaceful as it’s ever been. So why do I feel so crappy?

Anyway, a song by Cher came onto Pandora this morning that I thought was fitting for today.  I WILL work through this and get to the other side….

LYRICS:

 
You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me

Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there’s just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I’ll get up again
Don’t count me out just yet

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me
You haven’t seen the last of me

They can say that
I won’t stay around
But I’m gonna stand my ground
You’re not gonna stop me
You don’t know me
You don’t know who I am
Don’t count me out so fast

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I’m down now
But I’ll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I’m gonna show you all what I’m made of

I’ve been brought down to my knees
And I’ve been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I’ll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven’t seen the last of me

No no
I’m not going nowhere
I’m staying right here
Oh no
You won’t see me begging
I’m not taking my bow
Can’t stop me
It’s not the end
You haven’t seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven’t seen the last of me
You haven’t seen the last of me

And, a link (hopefully)
 

 

 

 

 

 

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
‘Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
 What am I leaving
 When I’m done here?
So if you’re asking me I want you to know
 When my time comes
 Forget the wrong that I’ve done
 Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
 And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I’ve made
I’m strong on the surface
 Not all the way through
 I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you’re asking me I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
 Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside
 You’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can’t be who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting all the hurt inside
You’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
 And save me from myself
 I can’t be who you are
I can’t be who you are

 

My Blogging Experience

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about my blogging experience; and what it has meant to me.

I may not have a lot of followers; or get a huge amount of comments; but the ones I do – I appreciate SO much.  So; whether I say so or not – please know that you are important to me.

Of course, I hope that at some point; I may be able to touch someone with one of my posts.  Even one person; if it makes a difference to them, I would feel very accomplished.

But, I also gain so much in being able to put my thoughts out there – and to know that other people understand.  Even if they can’t relate to my exact experiences, I know there are people out there that can understand my pain.  That helps ME a lot.

Also; reading other’s blogs does so much for me.  It also helps me feel not so alone.  It helps me understand a little bit more about what my fiance was experiencing in his manic, depressed, paranoid moods.

When I read other’s poetry, it helps connect me to others that I may not know at all; but who share a common pain or purpose.

When I read of other’s grief; I know I am not alone – and I also hope that at some point, in some way – I will be able to help someone else through their pain, in even the smallest way.

This blogging experience has been amazingly helpful and healing to me.  I hope that I continue with this – and that at some point I can become more of a HELP for others, as they have done for me.

So; thank you all – for reading.  For sharing.  And for being you in this blogosphere.